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Monday, 23 January 2012

Total Backtracking

Okay, so, I totally have a confession.

Today was not a Good Day. I actually just moved all my stuff back to my apartment today and I walked into the kitchen and saw a package on the counter addressed to me and I am such a little idiot because...

Don't you hate it when you've, like, been broken up with someone for MONTHS and you're at the point now where you can talk to them civilly, and you can talk about them without going into a rage (or crying, or getting depressed, or whatnot), and your relationship is...acquaintance-esque. That's where I was at with Silver. I felt like I was on the verge of being off-probation, because I only thought about him a couple times this break - which was good! Because this time last year was the end of our "good" period before things went off the rails, and it was super serious (he asked me what I thought about moving in with him while we do grad school, and we were going to go to the next level and no need for details here but suffice it to say I dodged a bullet, lol), blah blah blah.

Anyway, so I'm thinking, I'm doing great, I can be nice, I'm not at all interested in him or what he's doing and I have my life and I'm really happy with the way things are going and then BAM, package! And because it was in one of those small priority mail boxes and because my friend's handwriting looks so much like his, I thought it was from him. I am such a doofus. It's just that he used to send me boxes exactly like that semi-regularly with notes and gifts and stuff for no reason. And he would never tell me he was sending it, it would just be a surprise.

And I have no idea WHY I thought for one second that he would just up and do that when we haven't had a conversation since October (by speaking to him civilly, I mean, like, I saw him in a group setting and we were...awkwardly nice and it lasted, like, two minutes) and nothing has changed and I didn't want it to change and I just...I am so disappointed in myself.

I got really excited and then, of course, it WASN'T from him, it was from someone else who sent me a late Christmas present and I just felt so...I don't know. Silly! I think. And then frustrated because I really thought I was further along than this. Eventually I will get to the point where nothing that remotely reminds me of him will bother me. I WILL GET THERE, just as soon as this not-so-great feeling wears off.
Home at Last

I've had quite the crazy Christmas vacation - complete with four days of food poisoning where I thought I might die!

I've submitted my Ph.D. applications and now have nothing more to do but pray.
And pray some more!

Saturday, 14 January 2012

Travels!!

I am not dead!

But I have been very, very busy. I've gone to visit my grandmother, then stopped off in Louisiana (to visit some friends at Tulane), then spent two days in VA turning in my thesis, submitting applications, and paying my bills before roadtripping to North Carolina (to visit MORE friends at Chapel Hill!) for the long weekend. We're going out to a party tonight - and then tomorrow it's off for movies, fro-yo, Chinese food, and more!

:)

Monday, 02 January 2012

More sappy things...

Okay, so...

I'm really NOT a romantic - not like your stereotypical girl. I don't really like talking about my feelings but today I just feel so...in love with love. It's really bad. Everything I see is just making me coo and swoon and it's horrible. I feel like Cupid whacked me with an arrow or something! I don't even feel like myself!

I don't even know how this happened - but I've been listening to totally sappy songs today so...

1. Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows is my favorite song in terms of describing how I want my future relationships to turn out. It's so fun and it doesn't have any weighty angst and pressure, it's just...amazing. I love it.

2. Fireflies by Owl City - their sound makes me smile. A lot. A LOT. Someone once called them 'whimsical' and I think that's what I like. I love the VIDEO for this song, he is so adorable in his room with the lights and the toys and the piano - I think he's just the sweetest thing. I would prefer a guy who keeps disco lights and plastic dinosaurs (I collect them too!) in his room to one who has posters of half-naked girls on his walls, just saying. I love guys like that - they're so much fun! It's a great video!

3. Hero/Heroine by Boys Like Girls. Like this song.

And some others too, I'm sure.

Also, fyi, girls like guys who are willing to dance - and by dance, I do not mean grind.

I got pulled up on the dance floor, like, every other song the other night - I was wearing this long shirt and pants (because it was chilly) but I ended up peeling off my pants in the middle of the party. Everyone was like, "...saph?" and I was like, "I'm not a nudist!" And besides, the shirt was long-sleeved and it covered all the important...parts. It was fun.

Something really cute happened - there was a little kid, he had to be...like, eight? He asked me to dance - and then he said he'd go back to school and tell everyone he danced with a college girl and I was like, oooh you are so good, you will get so many girlfriends in high school! How kawaii is that? Loved it. Loved.

I think part of why I'm soooo incredibly happy is because today was just a good day. I went down to this farm and...there were new puppies...and, um, I got to learn how to harness mules - they were so cute - and the owner of the farm has this horse, she's only two and a half, and she's so beautiful that even my skittishness around such...a huge animal was...lifted. We went on a walk/ride and it was so cool because all of the horses and cows and dogs from all of the neighbors ran over just to...say hi and really, horses are so beautiful when they run. It was amazing. It was really enjoyable.

And...I also went ziplining. And I went to the arcade and go-kart raced and got my butt totally kicked but it was FUN. I've been Mario Kart obsessed for the past six months so I imagined that I was hitting those multicolored question blocks everytime I rounded a corner.

Things have just been really great. I am really, really happy. There should be a scale for this kind of happiness - because I'd totally be breaking 11+ (on a scale from 1-10). I also had blueberry cobbler today - and my favorite football team won!

I love EVERYTHING.
My life rules.
MOST ROMANTIC THING -EVER-

So some friends of mine won a contest where you submitted your entry for best/worst date and I read one of the entries.

For best date? Oh, it's sooo romantic, I have to quote it here (in bold):

I had been dating this girl for a while. When we first began dating I told her how my father would say a common Korean phrase to wish me a good night. In English it is “Dragon Dreams.” It became a tradition for me to bid my girlfriend “Dragon Dreams” when I would drop her off at night. One day, I took her on an adventure-style-date up Rock Canyon. We went to a cave and read a book together about dragons. After the story, we explored the cave with our flashlights, and in the back of the cave discovered a buried container (which I had previously planted). Inside the container was a beautiful dragon statue that I had bought for her. She loved the token of something so much more.

Okay, so...the reason I was completely smitten is not just because I think Korean guys are super mega foxy awesome hot OR because I love dragons, it's because...well, here's the bad side of it.

My ex (who is Korean) used to tell me 'dragon dreams' every night before I went to sleep - you know, back when our relationship was good, and I always thought he just did that because he knew how much I loved dragons. I didn't know it was actually...you know, a saying. In Korean. It's really cute.

Twice as cute.

And you know, believe or not, knowing that my ex knew what this guy knew doesn't ruin the story for me - in part because my ex was so insanely unromantic and he wouldn't know what buttons to push to really romance me if I gave him a fully illustrated instruction manual (case in point - if he'd told me the origin of that saying, I would've been very wooed - his loss, right?).

It's just...oh, the guy in the story is so romantic and I would like someone to say it to me who...isn't a jerk. I'm just saying, 'dragon dreams' is a surefire way to make me absolutely melt. It's just...oh!

And he BOUGHT her a DRAGON. Do you know how romantic that is?
Oooh I love dragons so much! I swear, I'm getting a tattoo of one just as soon as my parents stop paying my school bills (then I won't feel guilty about doing something they so disagree with).

I love that story. I love that date. I love cave diving!
And buried treasure!
And thatgirlistheluckiestgirlintheentireworld.

What a guy, right?

I am just...completely...it's just amazing. Sometimes guys can be so romantic - and I'm not super impressed by the usual stuff, but something like that? I would just die. I would just- I want that for myself. Like, a lot.

Like, I can't stop gushing about how great it is. Probably because I read a lot of those best/worst date entries and this was the one that I could just imagine happening to me, maybe, in some universe where I'm super lucky.

That's all.